Managing Your New CP

By Kapil Bhargava

No, the title is not a typo. I do not mean PC but in fact a CP.
Some tips follow for handling your recently acquired CP (Child Person:
your new Baby). Similarities between your Personal Computer and the CP
may make your task easier.

The CP comes in soft packing. The stork stopped delivering these
systems long ago. Only qualified technicians (doctors and nurses)
should do the unpacking in a repair and maintenance unit (hospital or
nursing home). Amateur handling should be avoided. The packaging may be
required for future use, even though it may seem immobile for the time
being. CPs come in only two versions – M or F.

Immediately on unpacking, a CP requires drying with soft towels. This
is also a job for the technicians. They will ensure that peripherals
are connected and functioning before delivering the CP to its owners.
At this stage, the CP needs to be stored at a comfortable temperature
by being wrapped in a blanket or other suitable material. Variations in
temperatures can cause the CP to issue loud error warnings. The CP must
also be provided with receptacles for any efflux from it.

An early maintenance requirement of the CP is to be supplied energy.
Electrical sources like power cords and batteries are to be strictly
avoided. Energy is to be input as a white liquid. This is available
with the packaging itself for up to two or three years, though the
packaging itself requires careful maintenance during this period.

On the PC you face “Garbage In – Garbage Out”, known as GIGO.
Unfortunately, with a CP system, the situation is worse. You input
goodies and you still get garbage out. The output from a CP comes in
both solid and liquid forms and many grades in between. Its arrival is
informed to you via error messages, often at high volume. These can
persist till the error has been corrected and perhaps for some time
afterwards.

Receptacles for a CP’s efflux are disposable or re-usable. The
re-usable variety has to be thoroughly cleaned and dried before further
installation. Changing receptacles is not very complicated. A little
practice will enable you to handle the job as if you have been doing it
all your life. And, it will feel like it. A sensitive nose for solid
efflux detection can be of great help. Similarly a dipstick may help
determine if the receptacles are full of liquid matter.The need to
frequently replace receptacles has the further advantage that you will
not waste away your nights by sleeping, oblivious to your
responsibilities. Before changing receptacles, the CP itself must be
cleaned and dried thoroughly. Failure to do this can lead to damage to
the outer covering of the CP

The CP’s inputs have to be controlled carefully. Any opportunity for
viruses or other system hackers should be prevented by clean
procedures. If a nasty organism causes a problem, the CP should be
examined by suitably qualified technicians.

One year after receiving your new CP and each year thereafter you must
undertake special servicing. Other CPs of like vintage with their
owners are networked together for producing high volume processing.
Candles are lit to signify the number of years of ownership. Your first
CP should be networked with another, preferably of the second variety.
This helps in better operation of both CPs.

Government policies discourage owning more than two CPs.

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